The Shorter the Skirt, the Higher the Kick

Guttural writing and interactive mind games from 'the sweetest girl on the Internet'. No minors or morally outraged, please! ;-)

Game: Three-seconds Self Test For Men

What are you really looking for in a woman?

After having laughed myself silly the whole afternoon at the claptrap advice offered by the "Improve Your Dating" industry via various blogs and other sites (not at the people reading it, though), I would like to offer my own tips to men for a rewarding relationship. To men, mind you, not boys, even though boys might be the major audience for this type of advice. Usually, boys just need to start taking themselves seriously and believe that their behavior matters, then someone else will feel the same way too, and hang the rest. Men are a bit different; I think they first should become clear about what they really are looking for, and be realistic about the odds of finding it and build a lasting relationship on it - then they can act (or change their desires) accordingly.

So without further ado I am proud to present my own completely accurate three-seconds test, based on extensive research funded by the University of Hard Knocks, for men to decide what they really are looking for in a woman. Ladies, although you know you usually are the people I really write for, I have no test for you at this point. Since women are less single-minded rigid focused in their desires than men, such a test would take at least six seconds - and who has that nowadyas? Let your men take this test instead - you might both discover something... (Requires iframe support.)

Read on:

17 bounce-backs:

Anonymous Conny says...,

Oh Edgar, I thought you were so rugged!

Anonymous Tinker says...,

Hmm...In my case, that was a bit too correct to be funny...

Blogger Sarah Jo says...,

Thanks for the comment. I like your blog, it makes me feel VERY VERY young.

Anonymous Jesse says...,

haha, i messed it up, thanks! But ya... i picked 3 so I win! Tehe!

Blogger Kelly Kell says...,

That was just darling! (And smart too!)

Blogger Indeterminacy says...,

It took me some practicing, but now I know the best way to look at a woman, in case I become single again. But is it so bad to want to appreciate the entire aestehtic of a woman's body?

Blogger Trixie says...,

Oh Indet, please don't take it as a 'how to behave' manual - I'll leave preparing those to the 'Improve your dating' clowns.

All needs (passions, pets, partners, parents...) are equally OK, though my point (assuming there was any) was that some are easier to fulfill than others, and if the picture hadn't been of my best gal Trisha from looking exactly the way she does and having that lighting, I would probably have interpreted how you look at the pic completely differently - if at all.

Wonder where you looked first - bet it was at the eyes, you romantic you...

Blogger Indeterminacy says...,

I looked at her face first, and then my eyes were drawn down...

But not as low as some of my new google hits. Since I linked to your site "The Shorter the Skirt..." I noticed a hit for:

up skirt photos older women

Ohmigod. Also, my blog is the number one Google search result for the search words: shrunken boy. There seem to be a lot of aficionados for shrunken boys out there.

But as you say, it's all OK.

Blogger Bloghead says...,

Here's my result:

* You are really looking for: A passion.

* Chances of finding it: Pretty good.

* Chances of building a lasting relationship on it: So-so.

* Aunt Trixie's advice: If you haven't found her yet - keep looking. There is someone out there who waits to be swept away, and to sweep you away in return. But what is it you want to be swept away from?

By the way is that really your pic?

So un-humanly beautiful. Hehe..

Blogger Trixie says...,


Is what really my pic? The test girl is Trisha, and she really is unhumanly beautiful in real life (with a little help maybe, sure, but still). The very humanly-looking girl randomly splattered around this blog is me, managing to be cross-eyed in the template top pic, displaying a formidable set of chins in my profile pic, looking like a giggling nine-year old on the small link button, and like a very recently butchered cow on the big one.

But sure, one anonymous commenter firmly claimed that "the girl pictured is not who's writing". I'm not sure if her belief was based on that I looked too cute or that I looked too stupid (or maybe both?), but there was a strong whiff of sexism in the air, of a kind sadly most common among females...

For that reason, I am most comfortable with the attitude of an American guy who wrote to me a while back: "For all I know, you could really be a gay 70 year old man from New Jersey. It doesn't really matter."

This attitude was even more reassuring as the rest of his mail was quite romantic...

Blogger Bloghead says...,

Well, maybe I really want the girl pic to be you? Ehehe..

Blogger W. S. Cross says...,

Trixie, your photo is so delicious! You're also in the right age range for Cassie and her adventures (Beyond You & Me).

Ah, you wild young things!

Blogger Trixie says...,

Get away from me you dirty old man!

Blogger Tara Tainton says...,

Great little game! I had to try it myself...apparently I'm looking for a Toy! ;)

Perhaps my eyes ended up on her cleavage because I've been blogging about the topic so much lately...or maybe I'm just like all the other men!

Blogger The Complimenting Commenter says...,

I like the post. Very cool link and test. Nice job and pretty cool advise.

Blogger Dave says...,

Your advice is good, not so sure about the test though - apparently because I appreciate a nice pair of breasts, I want a BDSM slave!!?

Maybe if her face had been worth looking at... did I look at her face? I can't remember... :P

Blogger Trixie says...,

Well Dave, maybe I'll admit that 'Suggested place to start looking' might not be the most serious part of this otherwise very scientific test, even though I for one think it's interesting to know that there currently are 573 couples seeking women for fireplay in Nebraska.

I believe the technical term is 'link whoring'...


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