The Shorter the Skirt, the Higher the Kick

Guttural writing and interactive mind games from 'the sweetest girl on the Internet'. No minors or morally outraged, please! ;-)

Memory: Candy Bust


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Yeah - I got unbanned from commenting on the Conservative Crackpot blog I happened to visit the other day. Uh...thanks I suppose. It may have been a tough decision after a heated debate. I don't know - I had no say whatsoever in it.


Who knows, maybe I'll end up at their site again sometime; several people from the site have left comments here. The comments have been supportive, self-mocking and slightly apologetic, explaining that the site is a place for them to vent in, and things can get a little ugly, but shucks ma'am, we're really all just decent folks the rest of the week. Boys will be boys and a group will be a group, and if you're in the group you're in the group, sharing the group's small collective mind, in the bar and in the alley, at the game and at the rally.


So, in the discussion thread I accidentally started at their place, where I after having been safely gagged and one of the guys had set the tone was called a dumbass, a moron-ette and an arrogant loon, was urged to suck turds, and was assumed to have fewer braincells than fingers, to be a troll with specious arguments, and by eDog to not be a real human being at all, just a part of some ongoing fraud conspiracy against them since I couldn't be unemployed with my looks (no need to get clammy-eyed on my account, dear readers, apparently even the rednecks think I did pretty well without trailer-trash-talk as long as I was free to defend myself) - which of the good people who snuck by and left nice comments in my blog have stood up for me in that thread, or have at least had something mitigating to say about me in front of the other boys? No one.



I'm not sure which pen names all my friendly Conservative Commentators use in their own blog, but E-Man must be Elephant Man. He actually thought that someone else was supporting me in the thread at the conservative site, and immediately wrote a reply speculating that my supposed defender was a pimple-faced fat kid who had a crush on me, and that was the only reason for the support. Remember that crushing argument from kindergarten, folks? (The poster accused of supporting me had actually tried to mock me further, and got very upset; another 'bad writing meets bad reading'-related accident.) In fact, the only non-abusive referral to me in the whole thread (except maybe for in-house liberal masochist Caspian, who thought I shouldn't be supposed to be immoral just because I was silly - and perhaps eDog, who stated that unlike others, I would get a place to sleep when I'd had my ass wooped - ) was from the site owner Darth Misha, who eventually announced my subsequent user reapproval by determining that I 'hadn't said anything worthy of a ban'.



Maybe it's because of Darth Misha, but the whole thing reminds me of an event a long time ago, in a galaxy far away... For a blog, I'm afraid this is going to be quite a long story if I should tell it somewhat right, and maybe not even very funny (but you're welcome to read it for kicks, indignation, moral insight - whatever your pleasure is). If you just want to read my closing remarks about the conservative loonies, skip ahead to the last paragraph below. If not, let's travel three and a half years back, to the time when dinosaurs ruled the Earth.




I
I was fourteen years old, and found me since a month yet again in a new school system in a new country. The language was no real problem, but in my previous school the grade I was in had been among the youngest kids - here we were among the oldest, and most of the school seemed adapted for the young'uns. First day in school, The Rules were solemnly reiterated; eating candy wasn't allowed on school premises (but I found that no one of our age seemed to care much about that), and cigarette smoking (which several of my friends had indulged in at my previous school) wasn't even mentioned.


Maybe it was because of this atmosphere, but most girls in my new class felt younger than me, and although they were very polite, they seemed to warily move away like a flock of pigeons whenever I approached. The boys, as always in that age, were very unevenly developed - we had everything from growling men to children - and while the normal group of nerds reported in after a couple of days to Help The Foreign Girl, they seemed even shyer and more relieved when their conversations with me successfully had finished than the nerds in new schools usually did, and the more mature boys were after a month still too occupied by not staring in my direction to engage in any other form of communication.


That was alright, though; I had other things to think of, and I probably didn't try very hard to make new friends. When you've been replanted a couple of times, you know that these things eventually work out somehow, and that it might even be smart to not bond too tightly too early, since you may do it with people whose expectations you won't be able to meet later anyway. So at the beginning of each recess, I carried my big book bag to the next classroom (the lock on it had broke, so if I carried it around during the break it would usually snap open by itself), left the bag outside the door, and normally went out to chat with the Cool Girls in their designated corner of the schoolyard (none of which came from my class), idly look at some other kids, or just sit in the sun.


Besides lunch, we had two longer breaks during the day. Before or after these breaks, we would have Phys Ed, shop, or music, to give us extra time to get in or out of those classes. On Wednesdays, there was music class, last class of the day, right after the late break. The music classroom was the only classroom in the school basement, at the far end of a large open hall where there just was one more door, probably leading to the boiler room. Usually a lot of the kids from my class spent the break in the hall, but it was always boys only or girls only, depending on who came first.


This Wednesday afternoon break, the boys started forming in the hall, so I just left my bag there as usual, and hiked up the long, winding stairs again. It was raining, so most girls had gathered just inside the doors to the schoolyard. Normally I had no problem spending a break there, floating between different groups and thinking I blended in without being too imposing, but this time one of the girls had something she enthusiastically showed all the others. I overheard that it had to do with that we should vote to select a lead singer from our class for the upcoming school celebrations, which apparently was a position most of the girls hoped for. While I surely would have been allowed to see whatever she had to show, and maybe even get an Explanation of it if needed, I suspected the mood would get a little awkward if I intruded. So I turned and went down the stairs again to get something to read from my bag.


In the basement hall, the boys from my class were gathered around something too, right where I had left my bag. Oh well. I proceeded towards them, assuming they would scatter when they noticed me, but I came quite close without anyone paying attention to me. Then one of the boys shifted position, so I could see what they all were staring at. It was my bag, and it had opened. Dan, one of the oldest-looking boys in my class, was just fishing something out of the bag - a half-eaten chocolate bar. I didn't quite recognize it, but thought it may very well be something which had been lying in my bag for a week or two. With utter indignation, Dan held it up and exclaimed 'Look! She's got candy!' Then he saw me, and yelled 'And she's here!'


I had seen several people from my class eating candy before, but it was a new school in a new country and I still was pretty young, so I figured I might have done something wrong after all, and hurriedly took a couple of steps towards Dan to get the chocolate back from him, stash it in my bag, and leave with it. But before I could grab the foil-clad evidence, Dan threw it to another guy. I turned toward the new chocolate-holder, who actually looked scared for a moment, but then everyone had formed a circle around me, and they all sniggered while the candy comfortably was thrown to Alex, the tallest boy in the class. Now the boys were at ease, maybe for the first time ever around me; I was in their hall, having been found in possession of candy, which they all pretended to be a big deal - together they had something on me, something everyone was allowed in on for once. The losers, the geeks, the happily grinning nerds, all had joined the circle; maybe just to watch, maybe disapproving later, but for now just enjoying how the total sum of intelligence in their group diminished by the moment, leveling everyone in confused righteousness.


I slowly turned to face Alex, anticipating the next throw, already growing weary of the game and preparing to just pick up my bag and leave. 'Hurry up and throw it!' Dan shouted impatiently, but Alex just smilingly held the chocolate bar up in the air, out of my reach. I took a step towards him and said in my most reasonable voice 'Come on now - give it to me', and some of the excitement seemed to die down. Alex appeared to think about whether to hand me the candy in a friendly manner or just drop it on the ground and walk away. At that moment, Dan reached out from behind me and grabbed my ass with probing fingers.


I whirled around in the middle of the circle of boys, and nearly tripped over my bag. Everyone started roaring with laughter, and Alex, who I had turned my back to, gave me a hard smack on the bottom. While I turned again, Alex's best friend Tom reached out and tried to goose me, but missed and pinched my hip, making me stumble over my bag again when I tried to avoid him. From the outside it must have been a cute and quite arousing sight, me spinning around in my calf-long skirt, staggering like Bambi on ice trying to keep my bum out of everyone's reach, but being there I felt flushed, angry, and somehow out of breath. I tried to hit Tom over the hand, and when someone else put his hands on my buttocks I swung blindly behind me, then all around me, and the laughter of the boys rose to a kind of battle cry as they closed in on me, and Tom and Alex each grabbed one of my arms.




II
My captors placed themselves with their backs against the wall, me propped up between them, and all the other boys in a close semi-circle around us. I wondered if I should scream, but the boys still laughed so hard I doubted that anyone would hear me, and besides I still thought I could wriggle myself out of the situation without getting all the girls from the class down here, seeing me held to the wall and deciding once and for all that I really was a weird creature who never would be one of them. Dan picked up the chocolate bar Alex had dropped and held it very close to my face while he broke off a piece and put it in his mouth. Chewing, he slowly swung the chocolate under my nose, presumably to taunt me with its scent.


I didn't care one bit about the chocolate, but there was something in the calculated meanness of his behavior that made my lower lip tremble a little. Dan continued to eat the candy bar, all the time holding what was left of it under my nose. The other boys tried to rekindle the camaraderie with shouts like 'Go on, eat it all!', 'Candy's bad for you!', and 'We're confiscating it!', but while Dan finished the last pieces, the laughter from the boys started to sound forced and hollow, and Tom's and Alex's grips seemed to loosen a little. A few of the smaller boys already started to look worried that the moment, which probably was among the happiest in their school lives, was over, and Dan sensed that he was losing momentum. He studied me carefully. 'You naughty girl' he suddenly exclaimed in a shocked voice. 'Have you got even more candy hidden?' Bewildered, I just shook my head. 'Ah, but I think you do', Dan said. 'Hold her straight!' The grips around my arms tightened again, as Dan reached out and slowly, carefully started unbuttoning my blouse.


Now I screamed, but Alex instantly let go of my arm with his right hand and rammed it over my face, knocking back my head against the wall and keeping it there with his hand pressing over my mouth. While I still was dizzy from the blow, he wrapped his left arm around mine, squeezing my right upper arm to his body. We had crossed a new borderline, and Alex was determined to see the situation through without disturbance from me. Tom on my left side wrapped his arm around mine in the same way as Alex, freeing his left hand in case it would be needed for assistance. All the boys had stopped laughing and just stared at me; it was on again, and this was the real deal. I tried to squirm away and squat down to avoid Dan's relentless hands opening one button after another, but with my upper arms locked all the way up to my armpits, I had to remain standing as I was. Instead, I tried a couple of feeble kicks, but with me against the wall, Dan standing so close to me, and my skirt restraining my leg movements, there was no power in them.


When Dan had finished unbuttoning my blouse, he opened it slowly while the other boys gasped. He looked at my bra - the soft beginner's kind - for a moment, and I thought defiantly that he couldn't get to its hooks as long as I pressed my back to the wall. Then he grabbed the lower edge of my bra and firmly pulled it up over my chest, causing my naked breasts to fall out from it. 'Wicked, wicked girl' he said softly while he stared at my young boobs. 'You have loads of candy in here!' He reached out and grabbed both my breasts, while he whispered between clenched teeth: 'Haven't you learned to share?' I tried desperately to break free from the grip I was in, but Dan mumbled: 'That's good, keep struggling, makes'em nice and big' - and I froze. He squeezed my breasts and rubbed his fingers over my nipples to make them even harder - but all of a sudden, Alex couldn't contain himself any longer. He let go of my mouth, apparently not caring anymore if I screamed or not, and started hugging my right breast with his free hand. Tom grabbed the other one with his left hand, and the next moment another three boys crowded around me to grab, clutch and pinch, each one trying to get his own little flinches and screams out of me as souvenirs. My former Helping Nerds and the other less forward boys just tore at my blouse, holding it wide open and making sure my chest was fully visible and accessible from all angles.


I looked around me, but couldn't catch anyone's eyes. The part of me above my shoulders seemed to have ceased to exist for the boys, and I noticed that Alex and Tom both looked drugged with excitement, and that the arms they used to keep me restrained were beginning to shake and twitch wildly. Looking for an opening to escape through in the wall of boys surrounding me, I made a mental note to button my blouse as much as I could as I ran up the stairs, before any of the kids at the next floor saw me. At that moment Britt and Nicole, two girls from my class, entered the hall.


The newcomers remained by the stairs. All the boys stopped in their tracks, panting heavily, and some let go of me, but several others kept their grips around my clothes and body with menacing glares at the girls, and Alex and Tom continued to hold me upright against the wall. It seemed that my hitherto invisible head suddenly had reappeared on my shoulders, and everyone waited for me to speak - but what should I say? Wasn't it obvious to everyone else what had happened and how I got where I was, even though I somehow didn't have a clue myself? Nicole looked at us all with tight, generally disapproving lips, and said 'She is about to start bawling'. Britt gave up a short, hysterical giggle, and then both girls fell quiet, content to stand where they were and watch what was going to happen next. Now I had to speak, and collected myself to do it without pleading too much or breaking down in tears, but before I could say anything, Dan stepped forward again, making the other boys in front of me withdraw a little. 'Listen, you rotten little cheater!' he yelled at me, mustering new authority. I heard Britt giggle nervously in the background. 'If you lie again, you'll get a whipping so you won't be able to sit down for a week!' He lowered his voice as he moved even closer to me, looking me straight in the eyes. 'Now tell me...' he said, as he started feeling around my waist, searching for buttons or a zipper to open my skirt, 'Did you hide even more candy in your panties?'


I looked at Nicole by the stairs, and she looked back with a slightly disgusted but otherwise neutral expression. 'Yes or no?' Dan demanded. If I answered yes he would continue to strip me, if I answered no he would continue anyway, and neither answer would poke a hole in the shield of fake virtue the predators around me were hiding behind. And having the quietly critical Nicole watching the predicament I had put myself in made matters so much worse, made it impossible to escape even within my mind... The tears exploded out of my eyes with a force that seemed to blow Alex and Tom clean away, but as soon as they had let go of me Dan put his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. 'There, there, little baby' he said mockingly, and the opportunity to finally hide my exposed breasts inside his open jacket made me press myself close against him, with my limp arms hanging by my sides. 'There, there' he repeated while he lowered his hands, grabbed my skirt, and started to lift the back of it while he swung me around to give the other boys a good view from behind. They cheered even more than before, and several started to make high-pitched blubbering noises, imitating me. Still sobbing uncontrollably, I didn't really notice what Dan did until the back of my skirt hem was up around my waist and he jammed his fingers inside my underwear and started to yank it down while he caressed my buttocks. Suddenly I realized what he was doing, and a sharp shock of fresh panic hit me and made me stop crying - because my body had betrayed me.


You see, when adrenalin is pumped into your blood from fear or anger, your body gets prepared for Fighting or Fleeing - but it gets prepared for a third F-word activity too... I was soaking wet between my legs, and I confusedly felt that if Dan noticed, I would be busted once and for all, and would have to let him take the rest of my clothes off and be laid down on the dirty grey carpet in the hall, having lost the right to object to anything anyone wanted to do to me, while Nicole would continue her discontent observation, maybe whispering to Britt 'I knew she was that kind of girl. Horrible, isn't it?'


I closed my thighs as hard as I could to keep my secret, while Dan rhythmically pressed my crotch against his with his left hand in time with the hollers from the boys, and continued to push my panties further down my thighs by stroking my backside with the right. Someone else behind me had grabbed the hem of my skirt, and held it up to display my tightly flexed buttocks to the rest of the hall. I wanted nothing more than to get away from Dan, but I couldn't move without parting my legs just a little bit, and this would give him the opportunity to force his hand in between them, discovering that all he had done was justified after all. My racing mind wondered whether there were female martial arts classes where you could learn to kick someone with your knees kept together. Was it possible to get far enough away from him fast enough after all? But what would the others do? An unsuccessful escape attempt could fuel the group's pleasure-filled rage against me even more. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. At that moment, the school bell rang.




III
With amazing speed, Dan got my panties up (giving me quite a wedgie), my bra down over my breasts, and the four middle buttons of my blouse done as the girls began flocking down the stairs. The room was spinning around me, but I still managed to catch Nicole's gaze; she looked at me for a moment before she turned her back on me and started to talk to the newcomers. Britt looked at me a bit longer with a puzzled expression, but then she joined Nicole. Dan remained by my side in ominous silence as the music teacher, a kind, bearded man in his thirties, came down the stairs and unlocked the classroom door. Everyone but Dan and me started to enter the classroom, maybe more hurriedly than usual, and I realized that my feet wouldn't move. I hoped they all would just leave me there; since I had lost all control of my muscles they would have to pass me again on their way out after the class, but that was alright, as long as no one looked at me or said anything. I would just stand where I was until the school was completely empty, and then maybe a little longer still... Dan touched my elbow, sending a vital shock of current through the Frankenstein's monster that was me, and I stumbled into the classroom and parked myself on the first empty chair. I began to stare at my desk, but I still noticed that Dan sat down next to me.


Somewhere far away, the lesson started. At one point I got a vague feeling that the teacher had asked me something, but I wouldn't lift my gaze, and after a while he seemed to give up. Towards the end of the class, I started to make out what he was saying, and I realized that he had began to read the names of everyone in the class in a slow, droning voice. Ah, the lead singer referendum. I continued to look down, perfectly content with whomever of the tidy, non-busted girls with nothing to fear from exposure they would choose. But when the teacher had finished reading our names, Dan loudly said 'I think Pattycake should do it.' No one had ever called me that before, but Dan made a gesture towards me to make it clear who he was referring to. 'Yeah' Tom shouted from somewhere else in the classroom, 'Everyone who wants Pattycake raise their hands!' I glanced up, and saw that four or five of the boys raised their hands immediately. After a few moments, every boy in the class had his hand in the air. I don't know who started the chant, but soon all the boys joined in, and even Britt and a few others of the girls: 'PATTYCAKE - PATTYCAKE - PATTYCAKE - PATTYCAKE'. The teacher let it go on for a while, probably thinking he would allow me my moment of glory, before he started to restore the order. So it was settled; I was Pattycake, lead singer of the class and favorite of the boys. I didn't dare to look at any of the surprised and jealous girls, but as I started to stare down at my desk again, I angrily thought 'You could have helped me. Just helped me a little.'


When a class finished, the boys usually rushed to the door, but when the bell rang to mark the end of this music class, they all remained in their seats. Some girls had began to rise from their seats, but they sat down again, confused by the unusual stillness. I slowly looked up, and noticed that everyone was staring apprehensively at me. On feeble legs, I rose and turned towards the classroom door without looking at anyone. Joyous with relief that I wouldn't try to talk to the teacher alone after the class, Dan yelled 'Open the door and make way for Pattycake!' Someone did open the door, and I walked out of the room, up the stairs, and out on the schoolyard without looking back, but as I opened the schoolyard gate to leave, I could hear the boys from my class behind me, singing in nice, embarrassed, friendly voices 'Bye bye Pattycake, see you tomorrow Pattycake, take care Pattycake...'




IV
When I arrived to school next morning, I was greeted by smiles and kind shouts for the first time ever. It was all from the boys, of course. They came up to me on top of the stairs to the school entrance, leaving the girls of our class in the schoolyard below, and tried to start a friendly conversation about our new math assignment. Everyone had the benign expression of a proud owner; they knew what I had, I would always have it, and it would always somehow be theirs. I didn't say much, but the boys kept talking, each establishing his relation with me in a few benevolent, condescending remarks. Then I heard Dan's voice behind me, making me jump a little.


'Listen Pattycake' he said, 'I have a question.' Before he could continue, I twirled around, rammed my hand in between his legs, got a perfect grip around his balls, and squeezed as hard as I could. Female readers, if you ever find yourself in my situation, give it all you've got - they're much sturdier than the guys themselves think. Dan screamed straight out and tried to punch me, but it just became a flap of the arm before he started to sink to his knees, while I squatted down with him, maintaining my grip. Finally I let go, stood up again, and slowly, quietly, but fully audibly for everyone in my class said 'If you ever call me that again, I'll tear them right off.' Dan remained down, and I had an urge to storm away from there - an urge I never had again after that day, and hopefully never will. Instead, I calmly asked 'Now what was your question?' Dan just made a sound as if he was crying, and I turned around to face the other boys. They were all awestruck, mouths open and eyes full of admiration. I looked at the girls below the stairs, and noticed that a few of them actually were grooming themselves a little for me, touching their hair and wetting their lips in a manner normally reserved for boys, but that they all had friendly smiles. Beside me, Dan started to move a little, but before he could get up Alex placed himself between us on the stairs, suddenly looking very shy, and meekly asked 'Would you like to do the assignment with us?' 'Nah', I said, 'I'll do it with a few of the other girls.'




V
For this to be a Proper Story, it should probably contain some kind of closure between me and Dan; at least a humble apology from him, maybe the two of us becoming an item to turn this into a spicy romance story, or me taking some kind of sexual revenge on him to turn it into something more kinky. Truth is, none of that happened; I honestly don't remember much more of him at all. Whatever you might read in Proper Stories, there are no real standards for measuring popularity in schools, and the 'most popular' and 'least popular' kids are never officially named - but thinking back, I don't think Dan was very popular that year. I was though, among both girls and boys, in a way I could fully enjoy.


The solo singing went great, too. Having sensed that there was something strange with how I was appointed for the job, the music teacher reaffirmed my election in music class the following week. 'And lead singer from this class for the school celebration...' he said hesitantly, 'it is Patricia, isn't it?' 'Actually' I said with a grin, and leaned back a little in my chair, 'it's Trixie.'




* * *
So, my friendly Conservative Commentators, nice of you to drop by my blog and leave your funny comments as individuals. This time you came off as amazingly spineless and pathetic individuals, but you are welcome to improve - you have your whole lives for that - and call again as individuals. But a group is a group, and if you're in a group, you're in a group. Fuck off, scumbags - I know your kind.




Read on:


18 bounce-backs:

Anonymous Luke Skytalker says...,

I agree with what you wrote in your last post: You should be punished for upsetting such outstanding members of society. You should arrange to have them all spank you collectively (everyone of them disguised in Darth Vader costumes, of course) and chant 'LIBERTY! LIBERTY!' If you promise to be completely tied down and unable to move a muscle when they arrive, and naturally be gagged and blindfolded, they might summon the courage to appear.
Sheeesh, what a bunch of losers. Your story had plenty of food for thought, but I hope you're done plugging them now - they really don't deserve it. How about creating another nice game instead?

 
Anonymous Gunner says...,

Being a European in the USofA (the opposite of you, Trixie), I see a lot of the schizophrenic behavior you describe. Many Americans are torn between what a pair of European eyes must regard as hysterical political correctness at work (if you offer to help a pregnant woman with her package you might get sued for sexual harassment), hysterical family values at home (if the man of the house can't support his family, keep his kids on the straight and narrow, satisfy his wife in bed, and defend his property, all on his own, he isn't a real man), hysterical Old Testament-moral in the daytime, and hysterical pleasure seeking in the nighttime. 'Strip club on Saturday and church on Sunday' is a reality for many people I meet here. No wonder most of them (despite priding themselves with being straight and honest) carry at least two, and usually four or five, faces with them, and change regularly to suit the surroundings.

 
Anonymous HariS says...,

without getting into tired old malebashing i'd say there's a difference between female and male groups: female groups become more smart than their smartest member and male groups become more dumb than its dumbest. this probably had some practical survival value (if you're going out to hunt or scare away a wild animal you can't be doing too much thinking, but if you gang up to make the food last or take care of the kids, you need to be clever), but nowadays it mainly produces dumb behavior in predominantly male groups.

 
Blogger Acidinmyfridge says...,

I only got one word : excellent. Keep it up, Trixie, really enjoy reading your blog.

 
Blogger Andy Brandt says...,

I read your story and I feel for you. Nothing this horrible happened in my school career, but I'm a man. Don't treat us all equally, though.

And as for this conservative site... One of my ex-es was a philosopher and she always ended all discussion with Christians by saying that "it's impossible to discuss with faith". I try to abstain from being dragged into such debates and remember that wise words. But sometimes my polemic nature prevails, especially when someone demands things like references to Bible and Christianity in EU constitution etc. I always regret it afterwards. Many faithful Christians (especially Catholics) fail to see there are any other religions, cultures, points of view etc. And while no one expects them to agree with those they should at least notice their existence.

But, again, not all Christians are the same. Some really practice their religion and those seem to be less aggressive and more relaxed in their views of the world.

 
Blogger Indeterminacy says...,

I was horrified to read your narrative, but I also couldn't stop reading it. Your writing is compelling and convincing. My blog now includes a link to you.

 
Blogger Acidinmyfridge says...,

btw, I like the drawings. Is it u drawing ?

 
Blogger s4essene says...,

Hi, I am overblown - I'm not referring to my haircut - what a story! (I don't mean to be trivial, just lighten the tone a bit - very heavy and meaningful.) You're a very talented writer. Keep it up and thanks for sharing.

Take Care

Mark

 
Blogger schuey says...,

Boy am i happy to not be part of any group (ever)

 
Blogger Mollenkamp says...,

Nice blog.

 
Blogger Edgar says...,

*Applause*

I found it somehow hard at times to read your story (English is not my mother language), but i liked it so much. And the closing line for the cons is... well... i tip my hat!

 
Anonymous Michelle says...,

Silly commentators, you've been fooled. Get your hands out of your pants and read the small print at the end of the blog.

Don't kill yourselves by leaving thoughtful comments on an obviously fake ass blog. The girl pictured is not who's writing so stop trying to impress.

 
Anonymous Don says...,

Eh 'Michelle'...You might want to read the small print yourself before you mouth off. Especially the last sentence.
Haven't read much blogs, have you? Or did this post just hit too close to home?

 
Blogger Acidinmyfridge says...,

Michelle : what a dumb useless post. Oops sorry, still got my hand in my pantie...

 
Blogger fluff says...,

Michelle is right but since this IS a good writing, I don't think hands should be gotten out of pants, or not until they complete their job...

 
Anonymous Anonymous says...,

What a wonderful invention it is, this thing we call the Internet!

 
Blogger Hoodia says...,

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

 
Anonymous Anonymous says...,

I must confess, I did read tidbits here and there, but paid the most attention to the story in the first half of your site. It was marvellously well written, and a delicious read. I do wish there was more though.

 

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